Quick Inaugural Liveblog

11:42 AM: Dick Cheney in wheelchair. Old man must've come back, shot him in the knee.

11:45 AM: Barack looks like he may hurl.

11:53 AM: Warren's such a douchebag.

11:57 AM: John Paul Stevens finishes Biden swearing-in, mutters under breath "Praise Jesus, I could safely quit in four minutes!"

11:58 AM: Bush looks like he's counting down nanoseconds until he can get the hell out of that town.

12:01 PM: Constitution violated. It does not call for Yitzhak at high noon.

12:04 PM: Did they remember to invite Good Looking Chief Justice John Roberts?

12:05 PM: Yes.

12:06 PM: History...

12:07 PM: Guns fire. Startled Cheney wheels self toward undisclosed location.

12:20 PM: "We are a nation of Christians, Muslims, Jews and Hindus - and non-believers." He just lost the Shinto vote in 2012.

12:23 PM: Wow, he's talking about service to others without using creepy Bush phrases like, "You can go to a shut-in's home and say, 'I love you.'"

12:37 PM: Boring poetry. Hey! They already have a Presidency of Barack Obama entry in Wikipedia. It is very brief.